Ask Somebody Else to Do It, Please. Stepping Away From Millions in Order to Save Myself

Topics Covered:

  • Stepping Away from a 7-Figure-a-year Business
  • Recognizing the Signs of Burnout
  • Losing Myself in the Process
  • Dealing with Mental Health
  • Restructuring My Life


Preface:

You’re probably here wondering if you could find your own answers in what follows. I understand that curiosity.

This piece is filled with my personal struggles and challenges. If you read between the lines, hopefully, you’ll find some wisdom that can assist in the decisions you’ve been postponing.

Writing this was challenging, as it required deep reflection during a critical time in my life. Some stories I chose to share, while others, I’m not ready to disclose just yet.

Please, get comfortable. Grab a cup of tea or coffee, and enjoy.

This post is a heartfelt tribute to my sister and closest companion, Markea. I’ve come to realize that you were always imparting in me the bravery to face challenges, even in your absence. You were equipping me for the future, and I continue to sense your presence and the deep love you held for me. I’m grateful for your unwavering support. Your absence leaves a profound void, but my love for you is eternal.


I’ve Made Up My Mind.

I recently listened to a podcast where the guest posed a question: “What would you do if you were going to die this year and if this was your last year here, what would you do to make yourself happy?” 

And then I thought. 

I’d stop doing everything that I’m currently doing. 

This is the second time in a long while I’ve felt this way. I recall, not too long ago, when climbing the corporate ladder, I experienced a similar feeling. Eventually, I left, but only after lingering for five more years. My only regret is not leaving sooner.

Living life by your own rules means making choices despite others’ opinions and tuning into your inner battles, as they only amplify over time.

At the height of my corporate career, earning more money than I or my family had ever seen, I decided to leave.

It was a pivotal decision during a critical period in my life.

Now, at the peak of running a successful business, I feel a similar sensation.

If I don’t address the root cause, this feeling could morph into a recurring demon.

In achieving great feats, I find myself losing control of my life and mental well-being, suffering in silence. I became synonymous with my craft, losing my identity in the process.

I mulled over this decision for the last few years and I knew there would be no other better time than right now.

So, I’ve made the decision and several other difficult decisions over the last few months. 

  • I stopped searching for a CEO to come be the “ying” to my “yang”. I spent the last few years looking for a CEO to come take over my day-to-day role and run the company. I looked everywhere from Harvard graduates to hungry entrepreneurs. Earlier this year, after failed attempts I pulled the plug on my search. 
  • I launched my first and last live event at the same time. Having a live event was something I wanted to do, so I had a very successful one and in that process, realized I’d never do another one again. 
  • I discontinued my live coaching calls and community support. 
  • I’m retiring my signature program Power Your Launch Marketing Accelerator. — you can purchase access here. (Hurry before it’s gone)
  • I scaled down my signature 7 figure business – I scaled down from 10 to 5 to now just 1. 
  • I packed my bags and moved out of my high rise apartment in Miami and now back on the road. 

These decisions were overwhelmingly clear in my spirit but logically, I thought, what does this mean for me? 

It wasn’t a matter of losing love for what I do; rather, I realized that I was losing pieces of myself to my work. It’s admirable to dedicate your life to serving others, but it becomes increasingly challenging to replenish your own energy.

When you dedicate your life in service of others, it’s admirable. The challenge of that is filling your own cup up each and everyday begins to get a little more difficult. What was once easy to fill because of the work I was doing, now had no more incremental increase in my own happiness. 

It was almost a year ago when I received an email from Vanessa Lau titled “I’m going on sabbatical” and as I read it, I thought: “I’m going on sabbatical too.”

I remember reading it and re-reading it over and over again. It was as if I had left my diary behind that she just picked up and began to read out loud. I thought to myself how could we possibly share the same thoughts, feelings, emotions and words. 

At the height of her prowess with thousands if not millions of dollars secured, she decided now was the time to take a sabbatical. 

And I thought, in my own instance, maybe I can wait. But then I thought, wait for what?

Here’s the question you should ask yourself, what’s the risk of not doing anything to change your life when it’s no longer recognizable? 

For me, the risk was heavy and became greater the longer I pushed the decision to do something about it. 

I remember thinking, who cares that I don’t enjoy what I’m doing anymore, at least I’m making money. 

The more money I made, the further I removed myself from making a decision. 

Sometimes taking a step back, will be the best thing you can do for yourself. 

You think the best life can get is today, but that’s not true. 

The best is yet to come and you have to believe that where you are right now is just scratching the surface. 

Some of my wins over the last few years 

  • Building an amazing team to help me execute the goals of Power Your Launch Marketing Accelerator, they’ve been instrumental in my success and the companies. Without them, we would not have been able to serve as many people as we have and impacted as many lives as we have. They carried me through most days, while I was looking ahead in to the future, they were building a solid foundation. 
  • Helping thousands of entrepreneurs make over 100 million in sales collectively since joining our trainings and teachings. 
article written by forbes

article written by Forbes


Some of my failures over the last few years 

  • Delegating more. I found myself trying to do everything myself because I knew it would get done right the first time. But in order to grow out of the business, I could’ve done more. 
  • Firing myself and hiring a CEO. I think from Silicon Valley to tv shows there has been this glamorization being a “CEO” when in fact it’s a lot of hard work. Here’s what I learned about myself when it comes to leadership. I can be a CEO but my talents and skills are better served somewhere else. More specially being a portfolio manager of businesses (or CEOs). 
  • I learned my strength is in building things that work efficiently, as long as I’m not the CEO for a long period of time, those things can then grow bigger than what I can do. 

Here’s why I say that, the longer I am a CEO, the more it not only under utilizes my talents and skills but it loses my interests and focus. 

When I began studying all the greats, I noticed that CEO is just a title, it’s not the end all be all. Whether it be Warren Buffet or Bill Gates, they are not the forever CEO’s of their company. They know their best talents are not to be spent managing the day to day of people and things but rather building the future and making sure those people have the skills necessary to be successful.

I was so attached to the title that I should’ve fired myself a long time ago. The only thing being a CEO did for me was a title, there simply was no other benefit. Most of us are holding the business back because we can not see the bigger picture.

If you want to go further, surround yourself with people smarter than you.

What I learned about Burn Out 

I remember reading a quote that said “When you are burnt out the remedy is not getting rest. The remedy is restructuring your life.”

Kobe Campbell

I remember feeling burnt out after the first year of my business and that feeling quite honestly, never went away because I didn’t address it. 

So, what is burn out?

To me, it’s when you’re doing all the activities and letting all the responsibilities fall on your shoulders while not receiving or delegating the support you need. 

Burn out is when even the smallest thing added on your plate FEELS like it weighs the exact same as the biggest thing on your plate. 

At this point, you’re past burn out and now you’re over burnt? Maybe toasted? lol

So here’s what happens when you don’t address burn out:

  1. You begin to hate what you do: This is no exaggeration. That thing you love so much, you can begin to hate. This normally happens because you’ve set no systems, processes, or delegations in place. My biggest feedback is to keep your business simple. The more layers of complexity you add, the further it pulls you away from the joy of it all.
  2. You begin to hate the things outside of your business: There comes a point where the only thing you talk about is what you dislike in your life. This happened to me back in corporate when I disliked my job so much that others could tell because that’s what I talked most about. On top of that, I carried that energy into everything that I was doing. So I began to dislike things I had no reason to but stemmed from the fact that I was unhappy in a big area in my life. 
  3. You begin to hate parts of yourself: There is nothing wrong with you but when you begin to fail at other parts of your life, it’s easy to make that failure personal. For me, I began to attack myself and it became very clear later on that it wasn’t because I hated myself but I needed someone to blame.

If you’re not in a good mental state and don’t have a high view of yourself, your business will mirror whatever you think is true and not true about you.

Building a Machine

For as long as I can remember, I don’t think I’ve ever taken a break or had time to unplug.

Back in my neighborhood, I was fighting for a better life.

Back in high school, I was staying up all night studying because the only way out was to get a full academic scholarship.

Back in college, I was taking 30-35 credits a semester to graduate in 2 years of schooling.

Back in corporate, I was just trying to prove that I belonged with my peers. At the same time, take on the responsibility as the bread winner in the family, sending money to everyone.

Then, when I began building my business it was late night after late night, after late night.

I began to develop the bad habits that society championed: staying up late, not eating healthy, all the hard work ethic with no self-care.

There were no mental health days.

There were no breaks established.

I would sleep for 3 hours at a time.

I would stay up for 2-3 days at a time.

I would go days without eating.

I was living a very unhealthy lifestyle but that’s what I thought was required to become successful.

It’s crucial to address burnout before it escalates.

I became a machine and then I built a machine and then the machine trapped me inside.

My journey has been relentless, from fighting for a better life in my neighborhood to the late nights building my business.

Moving forward, I know I can’t continue how I started and instead, I have to find a new way to build that’s authentic to me and beneficial for my health.

Taking a Break.

I found myself saying “YES” to everything that was important only to other people, so much so, that I never had the time or bandwidth to hear my own thoughts.

I remember my mentor telling me: “When you have a gift, it’s okay to share it with the world but don’t let the world deplete you of it so much that you begin to hate the power in the gift.”

And to be honest, I find sometimes our gifts can be a blessing and a curse.

My gifts were the reason I was able to make a lot of money, build new relationships, travel around the world and contribute to my family.

And it also was the reason I received 10-15 calls a day asking for money from friends and family, had people come into my life that I thought were genuine relationships, that acted as my friend to get close to me to be able to use the gift.

There’s a sports analogy where the athlete that finally makes it, can also be referred to as the “meal ticket”.

And for the first time, I’m in those same exact shoes and understood the sentiment.

For the first time in my life, I’m starting to understand the difference between calling someone a friend and having a friend.

I’m learning to make decisions for myself that benefit me only even if it’s an unpopular decision to others.

I’m learning other inconveniences are not my priority and that I don’t have to drop everything on my plate to manage someone else’s.

I feel like I owe it to myself to start living for myself and to discover who I am outside of being the machine, building the machine, and working for the machine.

I’m not sure how long I’ll be gone but I’m really looking forward to for the first time to rediscovering myself, who I want to be moving forward, and what type of life that I want to have.

When I return, I’m sure I’ll have a lot to share but until then you can follow along my journey.

If you’ve made it down here 🙂 that means you may have resonated with something I’ve said.

In that scenario, here are several questions that helped me come to the realization something had to change in my life.


Question 1:

What would you do if you were going to die this year and if this was your last year here, what would you do to make yourself happy?

Question 2

What’s the risk of not doing anything to change your life when it’s no longer recognizable?

I hope that you find a lesson in here somewhere and I hope that you take time to think about and reflect upon your own year.

I’m super grateful for all of your support over the years and I hope we continue to follow one another’s journey!

This is not goodbye but more like, see you in a bit. ☺️

Feel free to comment below, I read every comment and love the inputs and perspectives you all provide.

My Ask: If you have any recommendations on things you’ve done during a transition period that could be beneficial to me, I’d love to hear about it. Whether it be therapy, a trip, a book you’ve read, a podcast you listened to, etc.

Please email me abu@houseoffofanah.com

-Abu

PS: Please note that I won’t be actively managing any of my inboxes during this time. It will be handled by my assistant. While I may not personally respond, please know your words of encouragement and support are whole heartedly received!

Also – I can’t thank my team members enough. After all these years, after all these ups and downs, I can’t even imagine these last few years without you all! You’ve all played such an immense growth in the business and have also taught me so much as a leader.

PPS:

From now until December 31st, you’ll be able to purchase PYL at a massive discount before it retires.

18 responses to “Ask Somebody Else to Do It, Please. Stepping Away From Millions in Order to Save Myself”

  1. Wow ! This is so beautiful! To little do we stop and think about these questions! Life is short and we get caught on a cycle of doing for others and leaving out tank on E!
    Wishing you all the best mentally physically spiritually ! I know when you come back from this needed rest you will have learned balance and shine even more brightly

  2. Thank you for stepping away!! And giving us permission to do the same, if needed. You deserve to find happiness outside of your work. Backpack across the world until you feel whole again… until you find joy. I hope you take us along on your journey back to you. Be well.

  3. I never reply to emails! But I had to say something because this one resonated for me too. Thank you for sharing so deeply, and for having the courage to tune in and listen to your truth and to action it. Welcome “home”. It’s an exciting time, even though it might not feel like it when you’re in the middle of it. I wish you nothing but the best!!

  4. Thank you for sharing! This definitely resonated with me and is about to cause me to reflect for 2024. I appreciate your transparency and I pray God blesses you on this journey! ??

  5. “You begin to hate parts of yourself” man I felt this one deep. And I had no idea it was because of burnout when it was happening to me. It was like the success was overshadowed by personality traits that I felt caused the spiral. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and I hope you create the restructure that you need.

  6. If you don’t know — I love you so much and am so thankful to know you. Youve helped me so much over the past few years. I’m truly happy to hear you’re taking this time. I recommend you read and take the 12 Hour Walk by Colin O’Brady. Life changing.

  7. I FEEL this. Happy for you!

  8. I am forever proud of you! That’s all.

  9. Thanks for being vulnerable enough to share! My recommendation for you during this sabbatical is to try new things/hobbies for the sake of getting lost in something new. Not to be good at it, not to sell something you create or to start a new business, but just for the sake of exercising your mind by trying a new task. When I was burnt out and quit law school, I started painting, journaling, playing guitar, training for a 5k, volunteering and I just rotated through all these things. Wasn’t good at hardly any of them, but it gave my mind something else to do without the pressure of needing to produce or achieve an outcome. It made me feel a type of freedom I hadn’t felt in a while. I could just be.

  10. Thanks for sharing Abu..All the best on this journey..
    1. Spend time sitting with yourself. No noise, no distraction just you and your breath.
    2. Meditate – it’s a practice, not a skill you can acquire…This might be good for you considering all you’ve shared.
    3. Eat! 3 meals plus snacks
    4. Exercise- it’s a magic potion for the brain.
    5. Sleep! It’s when our bodies repair, and lack of it can mess with the mind.
    7. Take your time. You didn’t get here over night, so it will take time. Give yourself some grace.

    You got this Abu…and you are well supported.
    Sheri-Anne

  11. Mailani Benjamin Avatar

    Hey Abu, it’s been around five years since we first crossed paths, and I had the pleasure of spending a day with you and my friend Samantha (NJ photographer), who was part of the live PYL cohort. We spent the day in NYC, and you even took us on a little sight-seeing tour. I’ve been keeping up with your journey online and am genuinely delighted to witness your remarkable progress. It’s truly gratifying to see that you’re conscious of the steps needed to unlock your true potential in life. Take good care of yourself and all that matters to you.

  12. I enjoyed this read and it was a great reminder to take time to listen to your own mind & create the space to spend time with YOU.
    The Power of Now- book recommendation.
    Take care!

  13. As a fulltime mental health therapist who is currently building this God breathed enterprise for the Kingdom, I thank you for sharing your ups and downs. Your lessons have now become prayers for me as I obey God. Thank you! Thank you for choosing you. Choosing you will give many, like myself, courage to choose themselves and listen to their whole selves.

    This is only the beginning and I look forward to reading the book that will come out of this sabbatical. Stay present and come back to read this on the hard days, knowing that you made the right decision.

  14. This is why you are who you are and standout. I do now and always have appreciated your authenticity! You are so much more important than your business. You are your first priority. Wishing you every single thing you desire.

  15. Patrice McDonald Avatar

    Abu, thank you for your transparency and your courage to do what YOU need for yourself to thrive. I’m also at a crux in navigating in my current position as an employee. One day, as though I hit a brick wall, something said, “this doesn’t align with your values.” I completed a number of exercises to understand what I truly valued, I mean like, my core values which are faith, holistic health, and relationships and in that exact order. This has been the lens that I’m using to evaluate everything in my life and what deserves my “yes” or “no”. Without adhering to my values, I’m like a ship on an ocean without a rudder.

    So what are your core values?

    P. S.
    One of the values exercises that I used was ViRTUS Inc.’s core values worksheet.

  16. Jocelyn Reyes Midghall Avatar
    Jocelyn Reyes Midghall

    How could have I missed your CEO search? Well, when the timing is right ….

  17. I’m so glad you’re doing this!! It takes courage. You have a lot of it to say these things. God bless you Abu. You’re doing the right thing!!

  18. Thanks for sharing! Well stated. So glad you are taking care of you. I did buy your course and am in it now. I am on a new journey as well. I was a burnt out physician. I actually did work on me for the last year-learning about burnout, how to heal from it, and what makes me feel alive! Personal development has played a key roll. Brendon Bruchard’s growth day is amazing. I also spent time spiritually growing and reevaluating God’s purpose for my life. Take the time you need to heal, grow and find your next thing. I appreciate all you have done. The way will be made clear!

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